It’s pretty contro-fucking-versial

I love the F word, don’t know what word I’m talking about? Fairies, forests, forensic science, flowers: stop making me give you FALSE ideas (I do actually love flowers though, hint hint). But, no. I’m obviously talking about the word fuck. I love the word, it’s incredible. I mean, it makes any sentence that I write or talk about so much more powerful. Let me give you an example: I fucking LOVE peanut butter. It’s true, I do. And with the word ‘fucking’ added in there, you’re not going to question it. Of course, you totally can, but obviously I’ll fight you on it considering I’m eating it from a tub as I type.

I used to try to avoid swearing, believe it or not. I was in London, spending time with one of my favourite people, and I swore. It was obviously on accident, I was all Fuck, I’m trying not to swear. And I mean, that’s pretty stupid considering I just swore a second time – but hey nobodies perfect (thanks Hannah). Anyway, stop distracting me. So I explained to this friend that I was trying not to swear. And she asked me why: obviously I was trying to remain ‘polite’ or even ‘elegant’ if you will.

But from there I started to actually question why we don’t swear, why we avoid these specific generated words in the english vocabulary that are literally just adjectives that have all of a sudden become profanities. Who the FUCK had the power to decide this shit? Because I want to have this power.

“For now on, thou shalt not say the word ‘ZEBRA’ for it is a swear word.”

What’s the point of swapping the word ‘fuck’ to ‘frick’ when you’re literally intending to use the same word? We all know what you actually mean to say!

Fuck means sex, shit means poo, and bitch means a female dog. I mean, yeah okay no one uses them in the right context, but hey you don’t know what I’m doing every time I type shit, or even fuck for that matter.

What’s wrong with those basic bitch words?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with them: nothing. Society has literally just deemed them wrong. Well zebra society, zebra politics, and zebra anything else that deems swearing inappropriate – well, apart from swearing in front of children who aren’t yours. They probably shouldn’t know that stuff until they understand what the words mean, despite how funny it can be to hear a three-year-old swear.

So next time you’re about to cover your mouth from accidentally swearing when you’re trying not too, how about you curl your lips around it and embrace those gorgeous vocal chords coming from your lips: I bet it sounds like a mother fucking melody.

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